Lindsay Lohan is being sued by a woman who claims Lindsay and her bodyguard hit her car and then gave her a fake name and number. TMZ reports:

Signe Dupuy claims that in April 2007 LiLo and her main man, Jaz, cut her off in their SUV while she was driving on Fairfax Ave. in L.A. Dupuy says when she got out of the car, Lindsay stopped and glared at her, while Jaz was “hostile” and “tried to intimidate” her. She says they gave her a fake name and number (the nerve!) and drove away. Signe tells us this is her last resort, as she has tried to contact Lindsay several times, even sending her rep a letter. Lindsay’s rep told us she did get the letter but “filed it away,” adding “I assumed the letter was sent to [Lindsay's] lawyers. That’s what they’re paid for.”

I can’t figure out who’s dumber, Lindsay Lohan for actually trying to give a fake name, or the woman who couldn’t figure out she wasn’t dealing with ‘Chesty La Rue’. And just cause, here’s Lindsay Lohan in her bikini from two weeks ago, before she was arrested. Can you even remember that far back? Look at that thing on her ankle. Man, this place is like a museum.

The newly single Britney Spears was spotted picking up her bodyguard/manny Daimon Shippen in Pasadena yesterday. It’s nice to see she’s finally wearing a bra, but doesn’t this kind of defeat the purpose? I can’t believe this woman is actually responsible for raising two human beings. Her kids would get better parenting if I threw them in a campfire.

A ton more of Britney Spears dressed like some sort of royalty after the jump.

Former supermodel Cindy Crawford was spotted sunbathing topless on a yacht in St. Tropez over the weekend. And man is she holding up well for a 41-year-old. The last time I saw a 40-year-old topless I threw up and crashed my car. Although to be fair, I was also bench pressing 300 pounds at the time and nursing a sick kitten back to health. And did I mention the car was a Ferrari? I’m just saying, ladies.

A ton more of Cindy Crawford lounging around in her bikini after the jump. Some of these are NSFW so watch out.

E! has officially cancelled The Simple Life and they’re blaming the overexposure of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. A source at E! tells Us:

“We felt like the real life drama of their lives overshadowed anything happening on the show. Viewers would see Paris all day long on the news about her going to jail, so they didn’t care about seeing her camping with kids. It just was too played out.”

The source also adds that Richie became difficult to work with last season:

“Paris carried the show. She was the one willing to do anything. Nicole was the diva.”

And in sort-of-but-not-really related news, Paris Hilton has managed to land a starring role singing in Repo! The Genetic Opera, which Variety describes as “a musical set in the year 2056, when a plague nearly destroys the human race and survival is dependent upon being able to finance a pricey organ transplant.” Seriously? What’s the point? I guess visiting every movie theater and taking a dump directly on viewers’ faces would’ve been too much trouble.

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline’s divorce was finalized in court yesterday. According to the terms of the divorce, K-Fed will get $15,000 a month from Britney for child support and an additional $20,000 a month in spousal support (which is based on the prenup and will end in November). Britney and Kevin agreed to keep the custody of the children 50/50, although either can go back and ask the judge to change the terms.

Considering Britney Spears’ recent antics, it’s a wonder K-Fed couldn’t manage to get full custody of the kids. Did he even hire a lawyer? I could’ve shown up wearing a ski mask and a paper bag with “baby” written on the side and gotten custody of the kids. The judge would take one look at me, then Britney, then slam his gavel down and declare, “To the stranger in the mask!”

The Sun got their hands on these pictures which were taken just five days before Britney Spears’ infamous head-shaving incident back in February.

Partying with pals at the Club One nightclub in New York city, the troubled 25-year-old mum-of-two dived backstage to chat with the night spot’s resident dancers and ended up stripping down to her smalls in the process.

I guess I should’ve put up a disclaimer for these pictures. You know, something to prevent people from opening their eyes. Because, man, a warning like that really could’ve helped me out. With my last remaining seconds of sight I tried to scratch “Help me” into my office window.

Remember Britney Spears’ meltdown during the OK! magazine photoshoot? Well apparently just hours after, she went to film her new music video for “Get Back” and had another meltdown. The News of the World reports:

Looking dead-eyed and disorientated, the pop babe lost it during a shambolic video shoot and ended up “sobbing hysterically”. At one point sad Britney, 25, squatted in her torn fishnets, clutched her Yorkie puppy and stared vacantly into space … “”She was completely uncooperative and left everyone hanging about when she went for an hour’s massage — twice. She just didn’t want to cooperate and was snotty and rude to everyone — behaving like a complete and utter spoilt brat. When she wasn’t p*****g people off, Britney was smoking like a chimney. She didn’t eat or drink anything other than can after can of Red Bull. She could have drank 20 of them all told … She had a problem with the extras being about when she did the pole dance. She was shy or embarrassed or something and she really started struggling with the whole thing. You could see she was getting a bit wobbly but no one expected her to throw a complete fit. Suddenly she was in floods of tears and stormed off set. She eventually came back but was sobbing hysterically. All her make-up had run. By now it was nearly midnight and the director just called things to an end and sent people home. It was a total shambles. She is a mess. Britney’s out of control and acting like a spoilt brat. It was embarrassing. She needs help fast.”

I don’t know what everybody’s complaining about. Do you see these pictures? The second I downloaded them my computer burst into flames and started flashing “Too sexy” on the screen. Honest.

Faith Hill was performing in Lafayette, Louisiana over the weekend when a fan grabbed her husband Tim McGraw’s crotch. Faith scolded the fan, saying:

“Somebody needs to teach you some class, my friend. You don’t go grabbin’ somebody else’s — somebody’s husband’s balls, you understand me? That’s very disrespectful.”

That’s some deeply profound advice right there. Only in Louisiana would you have to tell somebody that grabbing another woman’s husband’s balls is frowned upon. Hey, isn’t Britney Spears from Louisiana? It’s no wonder she turned out the classy princess that she is. I’m surprised she doesn’t speak with a British accent and say things like, “Mahvelous, dear!”

A source close to Jessica Alba is claiming she broke up with Cash Warren because she was ready for marriage and he wasn’t. An insider says:

“He wasn’t ready for marriage, and Jessica is. It’s simple as that. It’s kind of cold that the press is saying she was just finished with him, because it isn’t like that. Seeing Eva get married made Jessica wistful. That was the reason Jessica seemed to be in a terrible mood in Paris.”

So obviously this “insider” is insane. They actually want me to believe that Jessica Alba broke up with Cash Warren because he wouldn’t marry her? That’s like telling me Rosie O’Donnell turned down a slice of pie because she was full. Why not just claim the Earth is flat? Or that Abraham Lincoln was a woman?

Usher was set to marry his pregnant girlfriend Tameka Foster over the weekend but the wedding was canceled at the last minute without explanation. The couple apparently only decided to get married two weeks ago and wanted it to take place before Tameka’s baby bump started showing, but now nobody knows what the hell is going on. Guests were invited, tents were set up, all the help was hired, and at the last minute the whole thing was mysteriously called off. Usher’s rep released the following statement:

“It was announced today that the wedding ceremony for Usher Raymond IV and Tameka Foster was canceled. No additional information will be given regarding the circumstances of the cancellation, but we hope the privacy of this matter will be respected.”

I’m guessing somebody finally explained to Usher that after he gets married he won’t be able to have sex with other women anymore. Then he let out a comical, “Say whaaa?” and called the whole thing off.

61-year-old Steve Martin married his 35-year-old writer girlfriend Anne Stringfield over the weekend. The wedding took place at Steve’s LA home, and Steve was sporting his Inspector Clouseau mustache from the upcoming Pink Panther sequel. When asked what it felt like to marry a woman 26 years younger than him, Martin screamed “Oh, yeaah!!” and gave everybody high fives.

Awesome Quad accident with cruel comments of his friends… Read the rest of this entry »

Probably on of the youngest and best drummers. Amazing lil’ boy! Read the rest of this entry »

It sort of defeats the purpose of a bra when your nipples are made from solid diamond. No, wait, not diamond. The stuff they use to cut diamond. And it’s probably not good for Queen Latifah’s self esteem to be running into Victoria Beckham. It’d be like Lindsay Lohan running into Stephen Hawking. Or a NASA scientist. Or a cat pawing at a ball of yarn.

I’m not going to say anything mean about these pictures of Dakota Fanning because she’s only 13-years-old and honesty is only reserved for adults. Well that, and I’m actually a little scared of her. If it was dark and I saw her walking towards me on the street I wouldn’t even think, I’d just throw my keys at her and run.

One more shot of Dakota Fanning after the jump.

NOTE: Was that mean? Was what I said mean? I didn’t mean it to be. Oh God, she’s in my closet isn’t she? *Runs out of the room screaming*

Britney Spears took her kids to Las Vegas yesterday and Kevin Federline is pissed about it because she’s not allowed to bring their kids out of state without his permission. Not only that, while in Vegas, Britney’s bodyguard beat up a photographer outside the Wynn when he accidentally bumped into one of her children. The photographer was shooting Spears when her bodyguard shoved him in the chest and the photographer accidentally hit Sean Preston in the process. The bodyguard then tackled the man to the ground and started punching him. Wynn security asked everybody to leave and the Las Vegas police were brought in to take statements. The police issued the following statement:

“A second Incident Crime Report was also filed by Ms. Spears on behalf of her minor child. In that report it was alleged that prior to the above incident a second photographer, identified as Kyle Henderson, battered both Mr. Camera and Ms. Spears’ child , who was at that time being held by the security officer.”

So basically the bodyguard shoved the photographer into Sean Preston and then beat him up for bumping into him. And then Britney Spears filed battery charges against the guy. I don’t like defending the paparazzi, but come on. Why not break a bat over his head and then sue him for property damage? Or shoot him in the face with a gun and then accuse him of stealing your bullet.

Nicole Richie pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of drugs and was sentenced to serve four days in her choice of city or county jail. She was credited the fifth day for the six hours she served after being arrested. She was also fined $2,048 and ordered to complete a 21 day alcohol education course, and to serve three years probation.

The sentence sounds fair enough, but that 21 day alcohol education course is a complete waste. This is Nicole Richie we’re talking about. She’d learn just as much if you put on a puppet show for an hour and a half.

TMZ has interviews with three men Lindsay Lohan allegedly took hostage during the wild car chase that led to her DUI arrest Tuesday morning. The three men were invited to a Malibu party by Lindsay because they were friends with her former assistant’s boyfriend, but ended up involved in the car chase when Lindsay decided to borrow their car. After Lindsay’s former assistant told her she quit, Lindsay started “raging” and jumped in their car which they were waiting to leave in. As she started driving, one of the passengers jumped out scared and she ran over his foot. They say Lindsay was driving 100 mph and when she caught up with the assistant she began doing circles on PCH around the assistant’s car, at one point saying, “I can’t get in trouble. I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want.” One of the passengers says he tried to grab the wheel, but Lindsay responded, “If you touch me I’ll sue you.” TMZ reports:

Dante realized the mother was driving to the police station and warned Lindsay if she didn’t stop she’d get in hot water. He says Lindsay responded, “I’m a celebrity. I’m not going to get in trouble.”

The two cars stopped in a parking lot near the cop shop. When police arrived, Dante says it seemed as if Lindsay told officers, “I wasn’t driving. The black kid was driving.”

Dante and Jakon say they saw Lindsay flunk the field sobriety test. They say when she tried touching her nose, she almost fell over.

I want to believe these clowns - man, do I want to - but their story sounds ridiculous and I’m pretty sure they won’t be receiving their Mensa memberships anytime soon. I’m surprised they didn’t say Lindsay was chasing the car on foot and waving a machine gun over her head.

Check out the rest of the video clips after the jump.

Nicole Richie will do time for her DUI arrest back in December and is currently in court right now to either plead guilty or no contest. According to the law she’ll receive a minimum sentence of five days in jail. Keep in mind Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days and all she did was violate probation and drive on a suspended license. Nicole Richie was high and driving on the wrong side of a freeway. Which means if she gets the same judge she’ll end up in a zoo or something.

Claire Danes was at MTV Canada yesterday and accidentally flashed her nipple when she bent over while promoting her new movie Stardust. It’s not even just her nipple, her entire breast is basically exposed. Well, assuming you consider that thing a breast. She’s pretty and all, but I’ve owned rulers with more curves than her.

Click the image for the uncensored NSFW version.

TMZ has gotten the 911 tape describing what went down when Lindsay Lohan’s former assistant’s mom called the police. The woman is hysterical, never answering the 911 operator, repeatedly saying that a white GMC is following her, and constantly screaming “Oh my God!” If this woman is one of the witnesses in the case Lindsay might actually get off. The judge would listen to her ramble hysterically for twenty seconds, interrupt her and say, “Let me stop you right there, I think I’ve heard enough,” turn to the bailiff, take out his gun, and shoot the woman in the face. Then he’d give Lindsay an award for dealing with this woman for as long as she did.

You can listen to the 911 tape here, but let me summarize it for you: “Oh my God. Oh my Goooood. Oh my God, what is he doing? Oh my God. Oh my God! Oh my God!!!”

This is a video clip of Holly Hunter getting interviewed by Merry Miller from ABC News. I have no idea who this Merry chick is, but I could go to the DMV and randomly pick out twenty people more qualified to be on TV. Watch the entire thing, and keep in mind this is ABC doing the interview. ABC. That’s very important, because it’ll explain why one of the producers suddenly lets out a giant scream in the background. You could put a cat on a desk and it would conduct a better interview than this. The cat wouldn’t even have to be alive.

Ali Lohan, Lindsay’s 13-year-old littler sister, wrote an email to 24/Sizzler detailing how horrible their absentee dad was and how he’s responsible for Lindsay’s self-esteem issues. She also says that her family is normal that her mom and sister are huge inspirations to her. She writes:

Hi david this is ali lohan, i want everybody to know the truth out there. My mom is a single mom of four children she has always been there for us, she was my mother and father and still is. My father is telling all lies to people and saying he was such a great dad and was always there for us, my father was never there for us, My mom was always there souporting us. i think that the whole reason why my sister is upset with her self and not as cofident, is because of my dad not being around, and always staying out late and not coming home for days, he would come back home never himself, he was always was making excuses for his bad behavior . And would always blame my mother. He just wants everybody in the world knowing that he was a great dad. He wasnt that is all a lie. I just want my sister to stick throught this okay, and my mother and brothers and i are there for my sister 100% and have always been. I’ve wanted to say this for so long and get this out there and let everyone know that our family is like a normal family but of course we are put under a microscope because of lindsays fame, lindsay will be fine she is just going through a rough time right now but she will be fine. i know this for a fact. My sisters is just like a normal sister. her and I have so much in common. My mother and sister are huge insperations to me, they have made it through so much in there lives.
Thankyou for your time god bless, Ali

I’m probably missing the point, but Ali is almost as bad at writing as her older sister. Yeah, she’s only 13, but what the hell is “souporting” or “insperations”? And the fact that she holds her mom and sister up on a pedestal? This chick is screwed. She’d have a brighter future if she referred to her TV as “mom”.

Scott Baio reportedly tried to get an invitation to the after-party for Anne Hathaway’s latest film, Becoming Jane, Tuesday at the Bowery Hotel, but was rejected because organizers didn’t think he was “the right celeb” to have at the event.

Can you imagine what it’s like to be Scott Baio? This guy used to sleep with Pamela Anderson, Denise Richards, Brooke Shields, and Heather Locklear, and now he’s trying to weasel invitations to after-parties. It’s like going from being the Emperor of Rome to the janitor at a 7-Eleven. I’d post his picture, but the sadness in his eyes would erode your human soul. So instead, here’s Anne Hathaway and her big ol’ cleavage. Yay!

NOTE: To make this a double whammy of people you don’t care about, Peter Greene (the guy who played Zed in Pulp Fiction) was arrested Monday night for possession of crack cocaine.

Paris Hilton was spotted at a recording studio yesterday working on her new album and carrying around a new pet Chihuahua she picked up earlier at Pets of Bel Air, the same place where Britney Spears got her $3,000 Yorkie. Paris already has a Yorkie named Cinderella, another Chihuahua named Tinkerbell, and she used to have a kinkajou named Baby Luv which she was forced to give up. I just think it’s funny she picked out a dog with the same wonky eye as her. Although it’s too bad she didn’t get one with the same IQ. I’ve always wanted to see a dog walk around in circles, fall down confused, and then try to eat its own feet.